Sunday, March 06, 2005

STRAIGHT SEX TALK

I never got any from my parents. I can remember, when I was 16 or 17, and my father was feeling pretty good after having imbibed a few alcoholic drinks, I received my first 'birds and bees' talk. (Coincidentally, this came shortly after I started dating my husband, Mr. Bad Example. I am sure there was NO connection...)

As I was about to leave for a date, my Dad said to me, "Nowwww, you realize you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

Me: "Ah, yeah Dad."

Dad: "Cuz you can always say 'no'."

Me: "Okay, Dad."

Dad: "I love you and you can always come to me about anything."

Me: "Sure Dad, gotta go."

This, as it turns out, was pretty much an essay compared to the closest thing I got with my Mom.

Shortly after I turned 18, I anticipating possibly having sex. I wasn't sure yet, but like a good Boy Scout, I was going to be prepared. So I went to the gynecologist and got put on the pill.

At the time, I was still living at home. I was storing my birth control pills in an old cigarette case. I left the case accidentaly on the kitchen counter. Later that day, I was visiting with my Grandmother ( my mom's mom). Well, my mother burst into the room, like a 'wet hornet', and threw the cigarette case at me. She professed in a very high and mighty tone, "I believe these are yours," and then swept out of the room.

That was it. Subject never came up again. Actually, I guess, subject was never even out in the open...just unspoken words of rightous wrath.

Thankfully, I had had sex ed in high school and a plethora of Harlequin books to read or I would have had no clue as to the 'bird and the bees'.

So how about all of you? Do you have any interesting, embarrasing, or funny "sex talks" you would like to share?

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