Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.

"I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked.
"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."
"Could I see him?"

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.

About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"

He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?"

The old feud in the bathroom world used to be whether to leave the seat up or down...

Now, in the days of modern technology, we have a brand new conundrum. I have heard at least two conversations revolving around this issue in the last week AND, I heard about it on TV.

If you're on the phone (cordless) and you are compelled to "relieve yourself", do you continue the conversation and just do two things at once? OR, do you cut short the conversation and/or call your friend back?

Personally, I just can't see using the toilet and carrying on a phone conversation at the time. All I can think is "YUK!"

From most of the chats in which I have been involved, I'm thinking its a more guy vs. girl issue. Girls are generally horrified at the suggestion; however, guys can't seem to figure out what the problem is.

Beloved Husband's response (question) to the issue was, "Does the phone have a mute button?"

I'm thinking guys pee together so often - at urinals, out in God's great wonderland, etc., that conversing on the phone, while using the facilities is no big deal to them.

Any input?

A little present for you. Its just what every single girl needs...



Its called the "boyfriend pillow". He wraps his arm around you when you sleep at night. He should keep you warm at night in the upcoming cold winter months!

Even funnier is the "girlfriend pillow!"



I'm guessing she wraps her legs around the guy to keep him hot...I mean 'warm'...at night!

According to a British newspaper, the Times, the Professional Association of Teachers (PAT) does not wish to use the word "fail" anymore in the classroom. Rather, so as not to 'crush children's aspirations', the Association believes the word should be replaced with "deferred success".


HUH?!?

God forbid we let children learn at any age, young or old, what the real world is about! Let's just allow them to get smacked with it in the face when they turn 18. (Assuming they have graduated from high school or college and are moving into the corporate environment and have not received a "deferred success".)

All I can say, is I hope the terroists that have been gunning for England recently continue to have "deferred successes" as in the last attack!

HOW TO START YOUR DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2. Name it "Housework."

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?

Well, we had another fun blogger dinner/get together in Rockford, WI last week. Yummy, yummy Mexican food at Dos something or other.

Present were Tammi of Tammi's World, Teresa of Technicalities, Anathematized1 of Rivers of Blood, T1G of Drunken Wisdom, Matty of Blackfive, Graumagus of Frizzen Sparks , Contagion of Miasmatic Review, Little Joe of Little Joe's Soapbox, and Harvey of Bad Example.

Oh yeah, also in attendance was the famous, "infamous"?, quote pen.

Allow me to share with ya'll the entirely out of context quotes you missed.

"Where's the love?" Harvey
"I'll give you love, Harv... every inch of my love." Little Joe
"He's got a lot of love to give!" Anathematized1

"She has the furriest hands after petting the kitty." (Contagion ref: Anathematized1 )

"If you don't plant the evidence right, you're gonna get caught." Tammi

"You're a bold kind of broad!" Harvey

**Matty's version of "combat basketball"**

**Graumagus' depiction of Little Joe's "Sicillian Leglock"** (Next time I'm going to insist on a demonstration!)

"I used to have morals and ethics; then I had to drop one." Contagion

"There's a thin line between 'That's kind of cool' and 'Oh, God! I'm bleeding!'" Little Joe

"It (Jack Daniels) doesn't make me mean*er* or violent*er*." Contagion (hic)

"I'm such a ditz!" Tammi

"Squirrels knocked him off the ladder!" Matty

"You just want to see me in my SWAT gear!" Matty

"That's okay, I like scraping." Little Joe

"I'm a pillow biting, Kool-Aid drinker!" Little Joe

"Your face is too ugly…even for the radio!" Harvey ref: Little Joe

"Anathemetized1's got cherries…been a LONG time since she's had that." Little Joe

"My soul is salty." Graumagus

"First there's the sucking, then there's the salty ejaculation." Little Joe

"That's not the worst thing I ever put in my mouth at one time." Harvey

"Gonna spread my butter?" Harvey

"You can come over and lick my nuts ALL the time." Harvey

"She's too pretty to stab." Contagion

"Maybe we would like each other so much we would have ended up in jail together." Matty to Little Joe

"Kung Fu Paratrooper" Little Joe ref: Matty

"Its so hard to get to know me." Matty (HAH..he's so funny!)

"TG1's ready to go!" Tammi

"I'm going to ask about by breast." TG1 (or at least post about it!)

Ahhh, I get misty eyed with all the fond memories. Sniffle…sniffle…

So, since many breeds of dogs are bred to be hunters, or protectors, or police dogs...why are they almost all so infernally scared of loud "boom" sounds - especially when the 4th of July rolls around?

Yet cats, who are rarely bred for any reason than to be treated like royalty and catered to within some humble, hospitable human's home could care less about "booms"? Thunder, lightening, firecrackers - no problem. Just another thing, not homosapien, to ignore.

Shouldn't it be the other way around???

Shouldn't cats be running for cover and dogs be bravely trying to defend their humans or at least remain unaffected from the 'loud scary noises'?

I'll tell you it sure is a sight to see a 125 pound dog cowering and afraid to go outside because of little neighborhood firecrackers. Or to have that same heavyweight dog jump on top of you due to a little thunder and lightning!

Can anybody explain to me why this is so backwards?

Or does anybody actually have a cat that is afraid of firecrackers or thunder/lightning?

So is it bad when you go to vacuum and discover the vacuum is covered in dust??

Perhaps, it is just a sign of someone who leads a rich, busy, and fulfilled lifestyle...nah, I'm not buying that either!

THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I'VE FOUND TO SHUT THE "BITCH" UP.



The winner is Johnny-Oh!

Thanks for all the entries. Another contest soon!

Johnny-Oh, I usually give out sticks of dynamite, but thought you might prefer a different type of "bomb"shell...so here you go...



ENJOY!!!!

It's T1G of Drunken Wisdom's birthday. Tammi of Tammi's World had started a birthday shindig for him over at his place so please go and wish him another year of health, wealth, and happiness.

For his birthday, I found this cute little prize. If you go to his site to wish him well, you will read how he desparately needs one.

Also for T1G, I found pages upon pages of...

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK MARINE IF...

You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you hide a grenade down your cammies.


You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if your M1A1/2 ABRAMS Main Battle Tank has a CD Player, external speakers, and you can hear C & W Music 5 miles away.


You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you asked where’s the Spam in this here MRE?


You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if that camel looks mighty pleasing too you!


You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you play a game of touch football in a minefield.


You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you drink beer and call it Hill Billy Champaign


You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you say “Yes Mam” to the local street hooker.


You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you shove a grenade up a bearded Taliban’s ass and yell timber!


You may be a ‘Redneck Marine’ if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high quality entertainment.


That's just a few. Go here to view all of them. Quite entertaining. BUT only after you wish T1G a "Happy Birthday" or something along those lines.

The bombings in England have left my as dumbfounded as when 911 occurred in the US. It doesn't matter where or when terrorism strikes, it is always a shocking and scary realization at how vulnerable we still are to any truly malevolent forces.

Many bloggers will do a much better job than myself summing up the horrible events of today so I am not going to bore you with my interpretation. However, Mattie of Blackfive has a very good article about the attack on England here.

Hat tip to Mattie for finding a way to say "thank-you" to Tony Blair. I am copying this link from him. When you click on the link, you will be directed to a form that you can fill in a personal message to say "thank-you" for all the support he and his country have given the USA. The link says these mssages will be printed on paper and shipped weekly to the Prime Minister's office at 10 Downing Street in London. It only takes a few seconds so go there and let him know we appreciate the man and empathize with what he and England are going through right now.

I lost my Beloved Husband this weekend, for hours at a time, to the TV. Approximately twice a year, they run a marathon of (old) Twilight Zone episodes. That is when Beloved Husband disappears for hours and only comes up for air to get snacks and then to get rid of the snacks.

Personally, I can't watch any horror or creepy shows. I won't be able to sleep at night. I still have vivid flashbacks of the Twilight Zone episode "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" with William Shatner. My mom made me watch it with her when I was quite young and it totally creeped me out!

I remember going to see the first "Halloween" movie with some friends when I was 10. I don't think I had any clue what it was about. I saw one of the early scenes where there was a head in the refridgerator and that's all I saw.

I had my head buried between my hands for the entire rest of the movie!

Even getting older and knowing these things aren't real hasn't helped. I saw "Needful Things" based on Stephen King's book in 1993. My friend jumped out from behind a door at me after the movie to scare me and I nearly killed him! I was still so freaked out. I had to sleep with a light on for weeks!

Yup, I'm a big baby when it comes to any blood or scary stuff on TV.

However, READING is an entirely different issue. I LOVE reading real life crime stories....especially about serial killers. (Contagion - stop chortling!) I like to try and analyze the psychology of these demented people.

I love Dean Koontz and Stephen King. Can't get enough of their books.

I guess, I prefer my imagination (which must be very watered down) compared to the graphic gore put on TV generated from someone else's imagination.

So do you like TV gore, reading gore, or just love it all? Or none at all?

Here's an awfully cute picture! It came with a pretty good quote, but I'm sure y'all can come up with better ones. I'm thinking of putting this one on my desktop computer at work so quip me your best quote. Get your entries in by midnight Friday, and I'll post the winner on the weekend!

So much to write about and so little ambition....

Yeah, sometimes I only feel as motivated as this...